I turn 22 today. People often say after your 21st there’s not really another monumental birthday. After that, you dread each one because it’s a sign you’re getting older. But quite honestly, I don’t dread getting older. That may just have something to do with my being a wife and mother so I feel anywhere from 21-31 depending on the time of day.
No, I don’t dread getting older but I do dread each birthday. I am terrified that one day, one will come, and as I reflect on the past year (which is a requirement since my birthday also happens to fall on the last day of the year) that I will come to realize I wasted a year in some way or another. And I’m sure that’s common for a lot of people.
You see, I think it’s cliché to use the phrase “Live everyday to its fullest.” Seriously? Somedays I just want to sip on my morning coffee, cry out to the Lord, and struggle through the day as a wife and mother. But the older I get, the more reflective I become, and the more I buy into living everyday to its fullest. However, I recognize that each day’s “fullest” is different.
Because sometimes living a day to its fullest means just getting through the day. While other days mean a family vacation full of memories. Because the truth is, not everyday is going to be a mountain top kind of experience. Not everyday is going to be the highest of highs. But also, everyday will not be a low.
We live in a culture that suggests we should have it all together. We live in a society that suggests each day should be full of “wow” moments and we despise being “ordinary.” We live in a society that suggests we be vulnerable but only if vulnerable makes us look good, but not too good because we don’t want to offend someone else. It’s hard.
Quite honestly, I look back on this past year and all the things that have come with it and I’m not disappointed in the slightest. I know that our family struggled this year in a multitude of ways, but there were so many blessings that came our way.
Year twenty-one included…
- Celebrating Warren’s first birthday
- Diving all in with my own business
- Taking over as EIC at The Index
- Celebrating our third wedding anniversary
- Becoming a two-car family (first time since we got married!)
- Completing two 5Ks in one day
- Welcoming a new puppy into our home (and hearts)
- Various trips full of friends and family and love
- Starting my senior year of college (only one more semester, y’all)
- Celebrating Dustin’s college graduation!
There are obviously a hundred other items that could go on this list. And if I’m being honest, there’s a list of so-called failures that could also be made. These successes, and failures, worked together to shape and mold me this year. I cried more tears than I care to admit but I saw such growth in who I am as a person, leader, wife, mother, disciple… And none of that hinged on my social media presence nor was any of that withheld from me because I’m “ordinary.”
So, here’s to 22; to the fears that I will overcome; to the mountains I will climb, to the heart breaks that will happen, and to the growth that will come from it all.
Lord, I trust you wholly with this year. I know You have great plans, and I will rejoice in each and everything that comes my way this year. I will choose joy every. single. time.